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“Eat less,” “Exercise more,” “Save money,” “Spend less”. These are all examples of the typical New Year’s resolution. Sure those are great, but you might actually be jumping on the bandwagon of easy resolutions.

Here’s my 2011 list of resolutions NOT to make:

1. Wear more see-through clothing this year. Actually, no I won’t. I’m a respectable working housewife, and I’ve accepted the fact that 1. I don’t fit into the Junior’s section clothing anymore, (take a hint, ladies) and 2. Most of the clothing should only be sold in the “Wear to the club if you want to get roofied” section. Call me boring, but I’ve got my man, and the provocative clothing stays behind closed doors.

2. Order pizza more often. I consider myself a good cook; I love to create new meals. Pizza is simple and easy, and relatively cheap. A little pizza never hurt anyone! Although it does tend to make my husband gassy…

3. Stop nagging. It’s a bad resolution idea, because it’s absolutely impossible for me to complete this resolution. I am a woman. I have a permanent to-do list in my Blackberry or my brain, and I like to check those items off as fast as fired bullets. Come on, people, pick up my pace!

4. No more yelling. Even though my yelling at the slow-poke car in front of me, or the ancient fax machine doesn’t solve anything, I sure do get my aggression out. Then I’m a nicey wifey when I get home from work. Yell on! Things I like to yell at: Cars, people walking in the middle of parking lot aisles, our ever-breaking front closet door, my Blackberry.

5. Change my appearance. I did a good job on that one in 2010 by cutting off over 13 inches of my hair. No I didn’t donate it. Hair creeps me out. Bad resolution idea, unless you are trying to hide from someone. And no, that’s not why I did it.

6. Replace the toilet paper roll. This is a FANTASTIC resolution for men. But I’m a woman, and I’ve been replacing the toilet paper roll for my entire life! It’s time I take a step back, and let someone else be in charge. Have at it, men.

7. World peace. It’s a good thing to want desperately, but no, there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you are a beauty contestant at the end of a beauty pageant, don’t put down world peace as a 2011 resolution.

That’s all. I know there are only seven ideas. But they’re bad anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

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